It smells like day old throw up. Like some unknown household, walked into before discovering a unchanged toddler in the corner. Or some cat puke on the floor. It’s bright and hot and with lots of women - so many women - who keep repeating the same sayings acting like they’re just making a discovery as they say them.
Shine your heart towards the window. Blossom into downward dog.
And I’ve forgotten my towel. Which doesn’t make my dog blossom at all. Rather it sags into a sweaty heap of undog-like human arms and legs.
My dog gets adjusted.
I’ve had wine and watched about three fourths of Marie Antoinette, the Sofia Coppola movie, before coming to this. I feel like Marie Antoinette. Hair piled high, superior, towering. Straight back.
It might be the wine.
I am a jerk when I drink. Someone should cut my head off.
But they don’t. Instead they let me continue to do bad yoga. Some new kind of sentencing laws for the bad guys.
I talked to a cop a few weeks ago. She actually calls suspects the bad guys. At least those who’ve put holes through people.
During the yoga, it’s not all bad. The wine starts to wear off and my wig shrinks an inch or two. I think about the house I lived in when I was little and how we’d sit in the kitchen early in the morning as my dad would throw snowballs at the big window in front of us on his way out to school. I think of a guy I made out with in college, running through the woods, just the two of us, one of the only memories I have of him.
Will that ever happen again, I think as I lay in sleeping pigeon. You think you’ll love like that again and again but what if really it happens just a few times and then no more?
But I can’t think more on this, because I’m told to look to the left. There is a leg there, covered in a neon, weird-lighted tight. The leg looks like a dead leg. Like something pulled out of somewhere..too glistening and discolored.
Then I’m told to look to the right and the leg goes away. I see the skyline. I close my eyes and try to leave the bad-smelling room and dead legs. But some girl is telling us abut unconditional love and I can’t focus enough to leave. So I stay and lay in the dark and wait it out thinking how a glass of wine would really take the edge off.